Jack Sprout

Comedian | Bondi, Australia

This is for another vendor. Peter Griffin: [to youth cult] Hey guys, you want to come to my son’s first birthday party? [They all drink a toast to Peter’s idea with a poison-laced punch, then all collapse simultaneously] Peter Griffin: I guess that’s just more people who would rather fake their own deaths than go to a party with you, Meg. Peter Griffin: Say, what happened to the car wash thief? Joe Swanson: Ironically, I severed his spine when I landed on him. Peter Griffin: Looks like you got more competition at next year’s special people’s games, huh? Joe Swanson: Nope, he’s dead. Peter Griffin: Lois, I can’t find my favorite pair of underwear. Lois: Which one? The one where you ripped hole in it from when you got stuck in that airplane bathroom from when you got the trots? Peter Griffin: No, I’m looking for the pair from when I had to hold it in because it was that extra long Palm Sunday service and I thought blowing gas would offend Jesus so I let it rip in the vestibule after service and it sounded like Louie Armstrong. Lois Griffin: Top drawer. Stewie Griffin: You look like Snoopy and it makes me smile. [a parody of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory] Pawtucket Pat: Take a drink, and you’ll sink, to a state of pure inebriation.

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Peter Griffin: [to youth cult] Hey guys, you want to come to my son’s first birthday party? [They all drink a toast to Peter’s idea with a poison-laced punch, then all collapse simultaneously] Peter Griffin: I guess that’s just more people who would rather fake their own deaths than go to a party with you, Meg. Peter Griffin: Say, what happened to the car wash thief? Joe Swanson: Ironically, I severed his spine when I landed on him. Peter Griffin: Looks like you got more competition at next year’s special people’s games, huh? Joe Swanson: Nope, he’s dead. Peter Griffin: Lois, I can’t find my favorite pair of underwear. Lois: Which one? The one where you ripped hole in it from when you got stuck in that airplane bathroom from when you got the trots? Peter Griffin: No, I’m looking for the pair from when I had to hold it in because it was that extra long Palm Sunday service and I thought blowing gas would offend Jesus so I let it rip in the vestibule after service and it sounded like Louie Armstrong. Lois Griffin: Top drawer. Stewie Griffin: You look like Snoopy and it makes me smile. [a parody of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory] Pawtucket Pat: Take a drink, and you’ll sink, to a state of pure inebriation.

Peter Griffin: [to youth cult] Hey guys, you want to come to my son’s first birthday party? [They all drink a toast to Peter’s idea with a poison-laced punch, then all collapse simultaneously] Peter Griffin: I guess that’s just more people who would rather fake their own deaths than go to a party with you, Meg. Peter Griffin: Say, what happened to the car wash thief? Joe Swanson: Ironically, I severed his spine when I landed on him. Peter Griffin: Looks like you got more competition at next year’s special people’s games, huh? Joe Swanson: Nope, he’s dead. Peter Griffin: Lois, I can’t find my favorite pair of underwear. Lois: Which one? The one where you ripped hole in it from when you got stuck in that airplane bathroom from when you got the trots? Peter Griffin: No, I’m looking for the pair from when I had to hold it in because it was that extra long Palm Sunday service and I thought blowing gas would offend Jesus so I let it rip in the vestibule after service and it sounded like Louie Armstrong. Lois Griffin: Top drawer. Stewie Griffin: You look like Snoopy and it makes me smile. [a parody of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory] Pawtucket Pat: Take a drink, and you’ll sink, to a state of pure inebriation.

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